She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
