she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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