just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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