He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize