I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
