worst night to have a conscience
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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