i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
