ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
