morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
