boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
