If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
