She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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