fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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