it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize