FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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