I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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