The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
