its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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