We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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