You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
