His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize