38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
