So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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