Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
