Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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