i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize