Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
