Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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