Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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