i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
