There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
