Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
