Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
