Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's never too late to be topless.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
