If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
