Small penises have feelings too.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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