They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
