also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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