My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
