Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
