my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
