It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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