Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
