Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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