Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Randomize
