i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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