Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
