Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
