Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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