brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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