Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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