I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
so much tequila, so little girl.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
