It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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