Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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