White coat. Heels.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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