sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
