Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
