we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
