have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
