so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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