Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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