Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
