dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
