mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm too high and old for this...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
