he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
