I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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