a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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