1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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