when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
