Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize