but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
