So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
