you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
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