You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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