i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
