Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
