oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
