What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
