I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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