I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
