paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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