I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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