So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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