So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
