You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
