I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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