ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize