i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
