it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
