I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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